You remind a coworker about the report he promised to send you. He hesitates responding, just long enough to concern you. Or maybe it’s the curt choice of words in his reply that causes you to wonder what he’s not telling you. Alternatively, what if he cuts you off mid-sentence with a rambling reply, and a quasi-apology, (e.g., “I’m sorry but it’s not my fault’) ?
If any of these raise your “I think they’re lying” hackles, then there’s a good chance you’re either from the USA, or have similar cultural values to those who are. That’s because each of these scenarios include elements that conflict with typical American values and beliefs. And when that happens what we perceive as an outright lie might not actually be intended that way, or may in fact be an acceptable, kind of “white lie” amongst those with very different values.
Much of the knowledge we use to navigate the world comes from what others have told us. Without the implicit trust that we place in human communication, we would be paralyzed as individuals and cease to have social relationships. “We get so much from believing, and there’s relatively little harm when we occasionally get duped,” says Tim Levine, a psychologist at the University of Alabama at Birmingham, who calls this idea the truth default theory.
Lying, it turns out, is something that most of us are very adept at. We lie with ease, in ways big and small, to strangers, co-workers, friends, and loved ones. Our capacity for dishonesty is as fundamental to us as our need to trust others, which ironically makes us terrible at detecting lies.
The ability to manipulate others without using physical force likely conferred an advantage in the competition for resources and mates, akin to the evolution of deceptive strategies in the animal kingdom, such as camouflage.
There is a far more effective manner to communicate that you’re upset or want to provide strong criticism in the UK And it is surprisingly counterintuitive. The STRONGEST statements can be evoked from “British Coded Speech”. Yes, we both speak English. But the Brit’s (English more specifically) have turned harshness through irony and sardonic statements into an art form. Directness isnt seen as productive feedback. But indirectly alluding to disappointment, frustration, and or being upset, works miracles.
The English respond well to things that to an American often seems counterintuitive – especially anyone who has made their lifelong success from the “in your face” approach to working relationships.
With a few cultural tips, and techniques. you’ll soon get them more in line with what you want than you could possibly imagine.
